by Danielle Kent
According to virtually every website, movie, novel and human in the world, there are three things than any self-respecting, shallow and future-offspring-conscious woman wants in a man; money, loyalty and height. Money can be generated, loyalty should come along naturally when you meet the right person, but what if the right person is right in every way but they are shorter than you.
Personally, I’m pushing my luck. My boyfriend is two inches taller than me so if I was to wear heels or have an accidental growth spurt then it would be time to call a conference where some important decisions would need to be made. No girl wants to feel more like The Big Show from WWE than Blake Lively cuddling up to Ryan Reynolds. So what happens if the person you like/love/stalk is perfect in every way besides a tiny little issue in the height department. Emphasis on the ‘tiny’ and the ‘little’. Sometimes, it doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
- You now have a great excuse to not wear heels. No one looks good doing the side-stepping ‘I’m at an under sixteen’s disco’ dance at the end of the night when their feet feel like they are about to dissolve in some lava but they have to maintain the appearance of having a really great time. Plus, I’ve always said that I was going to get married wearing my slippers under my dress regardless of the height of my future husband (but it would probably better if I didn’t keep telling guys this the first time I meet them).
- The freedom to choose where you want to sit in a cinema is incomparable. No one minds having to peer over your boyfriend’s tiny little head.
- Isn’t it annoying when you’re settled watching a film and someone comes to ask your boyfriend to reach a tin of beans from the top shelf? Well guess what, if you got a smaller boyfriend, he wouldn’t be able to reach it either.
- His clothes will only be bit too big on you, so you can wear them comfortably without feeling like you’ve got a dress on over a pair of sweat pants that look as though you’re wearing a heavily soiled nappy underneath them. Unless you actually are The Big Show.
- If he was to fall over, he wouldn’t have as far to fall.
- He is more portable, which means he will be easier to manoeuvre and if you were driving and he started getting on your nerves you could simply place him in the boot instead.
- Small men live longer than tall men, so hopefully you will be able to go out with him for longer (unless you forgot to take him out of the boot).
- If you had a tall boyfriend and he hugged you, then your head would always be in his armpit and that would not be cool, especially if he hadn’t showered yet that day.
- In the event of a fight, you would finally be able to say to someone: ‘Hey! Why don’t you pick on someone your own size?!’ (Providing they were not also 5”9’) (this may not have the same excitement factor for you as it does for me).
- All the other girls want a tall boyfriend so you have less competition.
Happy valentines day, from everyone at Cora Magazine!