reach for the stars.

by Lucy Anne Lawton 

I was born to write.

Nothing gives me more satisfaction than expressing myself in the written form of language.

I have invisible mental health problems, which on first impressions you would never know. Health professionals diagnose this as ‘Generalised Anxiety Disorder’ and ‘Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.’

I know the cause of my problems. I disengage myself from traumatic situations and try to  block them out of my memory, resulting in a build up of stress, worry, panic and fear. I constantly feel agitated and find it virtually impossible to relax. I am wary of everyone I meet, I panic in queue’s and avoid certain social situations. I know I am not alone, as many as 1 in 20 adults suffer Generalised Anxiety Disorder GAD in Britain .

The problem is, nobody talks about it. We know we are not alone, so why do we suffer in silence? I have family, great friends, colleagues and fellow students who would happily listen to me in my time of need. Yet I struggle to express exactly what it is that is bothering me; and carry on regardless in life’s routine structured concept of time – clock watching until my next call of duty; as a mother, a student, an employee, a housewife. The many roles I take on distract me from coming to terms with the issues I have going on inside my head.

Writing is my therapy.

I sit behind the screen and pour my heart into Microsoft Word with no interruptions, no eyes upon me, no fear of failure. I can truly be me. I want to become a world famous author. I actually believe it was meant for me. And even if my writing doesn’t get any credit in this life I believe it will in another, because texts are timeless, and I have passion. I will never give up on my dreams no matter how far fetched they appear to be. Life may have sucked me in to its rigmarole of work; spinning on the hamster wheel in the repetitive cycle of days, weeks, months and years…But I have found my outlet, my one true love and my method of release. And I’m going to reach for the stars.

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