by Sian Siviter
So, here’s the story …
I am in the usual place, doing the miss Siviter thing: Ann Summers lingerie store buying a new divine piece of white satin and black bows. It’s very chic – very 1950’s wife screwing a soldier fantasy. I’m at the till, and suddenly I’m pulled into a very feminine moment of being offered a new toy half price with my purchase. “The Body Wand is small but powerful”, the woman at the counter tells me, “it’s subtle and convenient, so you can pop into your handbag and take it anywhere. It’s the most popular mini gadget in the sex industry right now.” Of course, I’m intrigued. I ask exactly what it is, this firm but hand-size instrument that’s bringing my pulse to a height with its insistent buzzing. Was it the excitement of something new? Or the fact that it was pretty and adorned with diamante? I gave a shrug and let the counter lady slip one into my bag. I must admit apart from an underwater buzzing ring with a clitoris stimulator that’s come in the bath with me a few times, I haven’t been one for toys. This little gadget intrigued me, it felt a little naughty having it in my bag.
I waited until the night, I waited until I was alone and with the TV turned up, Mock the Week hopefully disguising any sound this gadget makes … Wow, shit this thing is powerful! It almost jumped from my hand three times! Okay, I have this under control, wow … Christ! That’s fast, I need to keep quiet, turn up the TV ….
Okay, so I’ll spare the details – it’s not a bad little gadget, no where near as much of a buzz or a shattering experience as with my boyfriend, but it would probably be more fun if someone used it on you, under a table somewhere … However, it wasn’t very quiet, so I’m not sure how other restaurant dwellers would feel about it! Anyway, it’s turned off and put away now in my ‘private drawer’, until a few hours later I’m awoken in bed by an insistent crazy buzzing, vibrating from my drawer. It’s the middle of the night, pitch black and silent apart from this screeching threatening to wake the whole damn house. I almost broke my neck crashing across the room, half naked and rummaging in the drawer. The damn thing wouldn’t shut up! I twisted it, I turned it, I could hear the sounds of disturbance in the next room, Christ don’t let my mother come bursting in now! Finally I ripped the thing in half and emptied the batteries out to stop it. Practically having a heart attack, I sat back down on my bed, in time to hear my mum on the other side of the door…
“Are you awake? Your phones making a hell of a racket!”
Small but powerful I’ll say!
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