the disney divorce trap.

by Danielle Kent

You can tell a lot about a person by the kind of films that they like, but something that virtually everyone shares in common is a love of Disney movies. What isn’t to love? It goes to show that no matter how bad things get, it will always be okay in the end. I mean, if I had a pound for every time my step-mother poisoned me to death, only to be miraculously revived by the kiss of a random stranger, I wouldn’t be writing this article now. Disney is loved for instilling strong morals amongst an array of fluffy, singing rodents and giving young girls in particular a longing to meet their prince charming and live happily ever after. However, in today’s society where divorce rates have reached an all-time high, are these stories really realistic (overlooking the flying elephants, of course)? Based on the ‘Top 10 Ways Disney Corrupts Children’, here is my list of Disney romances which would have almost certainly ended in divorce:

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  • Belle and Beast – the principle ofBeauty and the Beast is designed to show how looks aren’t important and it is what’s inside that counts. Despite this, I can’t help feeling that a relationship that begins with the man imprisoning the woman in his home doesn’t look too promising. Also, if it just so happens that your boyfriend can only transform into a handsome prince after you fall in love with him, don’t necessarily trust him. He was probably just using you because the last petal was about to fall off the rose that he stores in the west wing of his castle. I feel like once the film finished, Belle’s marital bliss would have been short lived – the prince would have eventually got bored of her reading and clingy relationship with her father and gone on to have an affair with one of the girls that have nothing better to do than go around singing about how handsome Gaston is.
  • Cinderella and the Prince – oh dear. Sadly, looks can only get you so far, so don’t expect the man that you spoke to for all of five minutes at a party to enforce a lock-down on the entire city the next day to find you.Especially don’t expect it if you had to leave by midnight, because if he is anything like any of the princes I know, he would have definitely settled for one of the easier girls. Unfortunately for Cinderella, she was very naïve in thinking that she was the only woman who went to that party who shared her size of feet (she has obviously never been to the Topshop sale to find that all of the size five shoes had been bought within 10.2 seconds of opening). I can’t say for sure that this relationship would have ended in divorce, because it is equally likely that when Cinderella turned up at her own wedding with only talking mice for bridesmaids, the Prince would have thought perhaps he was rushing into this. Note to boys: if a girl turns up at your ball wearing a wedding dress, she is too clingy.
  • Aladdin and Jasmine – arranged marriages have a much higher success rate than regular marriages, so Jasmine must be kicking herself that she went against her father’s wishes and ended up with ‘street rat’ Aladdin. Not only was their entire relationship based on lies, it isn’t as if once all of that is out in the open Aladdin exactly brings a lot to the table (unless stolen baguettes are your favourite meal). Despite this, out of all Disney relationships, Aladdin and Jasmine’s are probably the one that I have the most faith in – but not enough faith that I think it would have gone the distance. I wouldn’t blame Jasmine for getting fed up with sharing her man with a money (did Abu never get the memo on ‘three’s a crowd’?) and the novelty of romantic midnight flying-carpet rides would have definitely worn off once the winter rolled in. In my opinion, Jasmine would have eventually left Aladdin for a richer, older man, and he would end up finding another unsuspecting Arabic beauty to con and swindle into marriage. We can only hope that they signed a pre-nup.
  • Princess Aurora and Prince Phillip – aren’t problem families the worst? If you attend your future bride’s christening and her evil godmother shows up with a curse, don’t try and be a saint, just GET OUT. It isn’t worth getting involved with them. Unfortunately for Prince Phillip, his relationship with Sleeping Beauty meant a sword-battle with the sorcerer and her minions, ending with her transforming into a fire-breathing dragon and him stabbing her to death. Fortunately, Prince Phillip escapes without a scratch or a criminal conviction. But what does this mean for Prince Phillip and Princess Aurora? I think that Aurora would have found it hard adjusting to married life with a murderer, and this would have caused problems. After confiding her problems to her three fairy godmothers, I wouldn’t be surprised if they ended up arguing about a solution and combusted Prince Phillip in the same way that they combusted Aurora’s dress for her sixteenth birthday.
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