how to realise a guy’s just not that into you in ten days.

by Danielle Kent

In light of my recent post Don’t Be That Girl, I have comprised a list of serious red lights that mean you should slowly reverse out of the room/building/country until you are as far away from the latest objects of your affects as reasonably possible (I would probably draw the line at leaving the continent but each to their own). If you play the Sims (cough cough unlike me) then picture the way the burglar approaches the house when he is about to go in for the kill, and do that backwards. Because if your current boyfriend or girlfriend shows ANY of these signs – he’s just not that into you (and don’t give me any of ‘the rule’ and ‘the exception’ because these are just rules):

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  1. They always find a reason to contact their ex – “Hey guess what? I just walked past this stone, and it reminded me of that time you and I walked past that stone that time in Torquay :) xox” this isn’t okay, it is a feeble attempt at contact, proceed with your reverse.
  2. Too much ‘we’ – This is my biggest fear for when my boyfriend dumps me because I feel like everything I say will involve that hysterical time that we watched Turkey get knocked out of the world cup IN TURKEY (cue hysterical laughter) – how can I convey genuine interest in pursuing my new relationship when everything I’ve done for the past two years was with my ex-boyfriend? Anyway enough about me, I haven’t been dumped yet.
  3. Excessive clinginess – Do not be fooled, if a boy is being nice to you they 100% do not like you and they are just using you as a replacement. No boys are genuinely nice, didn’t you ever watch The Break-Up? In all-seriousness, if you know that a guy has recently come out of a long-term relationship (and where long-term relationships are concerned, three years constitutes ‘recent’) and he is behaving extra keen, beware!
  4. He still has her things – from my previous life as a psycho-ex, I know the oldest trick in the book is leaving discreetly placed items around their home. This is a girl marking her territory. Once, I noticed a pair of eyelashes on the bedside table of a guy I used to date. Turns out he was engaged.
  5. There are posters of her in his bedroom – this goes without saying. More to the point, where did you possibly find the kind of person that has life-size photos of anyone adorning their bedroom walls?

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